Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
