He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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