I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
