when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
