from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
