her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
