I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize