my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
