He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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