I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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