I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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