Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
