She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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