beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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