he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
