I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
