we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
