The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is my gift to your gina
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
