Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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