Need sex. Gaining weight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
