Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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