I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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