Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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