He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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