it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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