Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A bitchslap is in order.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
