NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
