what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm too high and old for this...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
