I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
