He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
