Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
