David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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