Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
