he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
