the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
