Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
