i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
