He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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