I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
