You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
