i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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