I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize