it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
