i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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