so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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