Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
