I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
