He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
