I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
