Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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