So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
