I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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