So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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