How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A+ Viking dick
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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