I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize