You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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