That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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