i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
