The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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