Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she smelled like a LAN party
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
