She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
