I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize