I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
