You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
