woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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