And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
