Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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