I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
