i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
