I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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