we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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