last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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