i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
