for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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