How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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