I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
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