If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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