His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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