We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
