I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
