He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
