you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
