Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
