like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
operation harelip BJ is a go
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
