She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
