the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
