first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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