I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
